I like the final version. There's maybe something about the last ine that doesn't feel right, but the rest is good. (esp. the shimmer line). Keep experimenting. It's rewarding for us reading the poetry, and I'm sure it must be for you. Almost as inspiring as Dangerous Dave.

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~katyj
A man is like a fraction whose numerator is what he is and whose denominator is what he thinks of himself. The larger the denominator the smaller the fraction.
-- Tolstoy

Oh. Yeah sorry. ~rustkill helped me with the shimmer line... crap. I should have told!
I am looking into the last line factor... thoughts anyone?

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There is so much beauty around me, sometimes I feel my heart fill up like a balloon, waiting to burst...

I think what rustkill is getting at is that it has 2 too many syllables in the last line for it to fit perfectly. But dont change it... it is good. It makes it corny if it fits perfectly every time, and the last line actually fits, even though not perfectly.
The Yeatsian factor is brilliant. It brings back memories of year 12 English. I love Yeats, and I love this poem. The only thing I have questions about is the necessity of the litle interlude, 'you always looked like a helen to me' or whatever it is. It seems to come out of nowhere, and maybe that is intentional, but I think the poem would be better left out, and I dont think it says anything you cant already assume from the rest of the poem.
Just a thought.
I love it Cork, this is possibly one of my favorite poems you have written.

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'But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.' - Isaiah 40:31

I personally love the final line...i am really into those last lines that mirror the first in a concluding way. am i making any sense? keep it up cork...want to see more, and i want to know more about your "behind the scenes". please give us the "goss" as such...?